1254

I’ve killed three different verses
trying to get the words right
what it’s like to
to figure out anything at all
when the vices fade
when the nicotine and alcohol
wane

but then it’s one
and I break my vow
to hear her voice on our would be
anniversary
so I do the things that kill me
hoping to relax
and I feel my infant age
and
cradle myself
with the moon and its
coyote suitors

a short laugh at the wide sea

my great contribution
fake silver fortune cookie wisdom

and those new friends get the me
she had to fight for
mostly sober and a little less
enamored with the self
so they’re throwing you a parade
for your hard work
and yes
I see her rolling her eyes
so don’t congratulate me for
insight
I’m short of the person
I love most
but you can give me those medals
for self awareness
I’ll melt them down for a ring
or a gold tooth
that’s right

exercise every day
cut back on the liquor
glue the nicotine patch
to the forehead
honey
look at me

then it’s two
and I make another promise to
call soon
but the dead keep swimming the moat
and the fear keeps keeping on
of the soft “no”
of the certain “never again”

I keep counting my fingers
and I keep getting the same number