999 Z79

all the clergy ask
“why can’t you be
who you want to be?”
the boys jump up and down
the girls jump up and down
they got some answers

I’m filling in for an absent
Sunday school teacher
and all I have are quotes
from history books
sorrowful songs

my throat hurts from yelling
and vomiting in the morning
I sip coffee
and I write down in ink
“why can’t you be
here
?”

I pretend I don’t have a family
I spit in the dirt
hear a cardinal
circle overhead
but I’m
I’m
inside the carpeted room
a desert room
and I’m
I’m
inside a warm room

hold my head
like I’m an infant
I’ll shake like a man
and weep like a man
that lost his compass
that writes overwrought lines
on a digital blackboard
hoping for a stranger’s approval

it’s only a day
split
put into
the core of an apple
with a crown of feathers
and milk tears
suburban loss