999 Z75

man
I walk your street
from the church daily
so afraid I’ll see you
afraid I might blurt something out
or keep quiet
or which is worse
or fuck serendipity

man
I got sick this morning
hungover with the blues

man
I think of that Dylan lyric
about how days seem so long
without seeing you

man
I don’t hate myself
I hate that I was figured as a cold
man without remorse or
thought

man
I was alone

man
if you had gone back
to your old flame
while we were apart
if you had slept with him
well
I would have said
“I don’t care about then”
and if I had to see him daily
I’d say
“I grit my teeth but
I don’t care about him”

if you want to paint me
get the colors
right