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she promised
she was
deaf and blind
as a lover
for us to find
different love
late at night
if the other
didn’t answer

at a certain age
I thought the promise
was a fountain
and my desires ragged hands
to be drenched and nourished
by things I would forget
if I tried hard enough

and it worked for her

my water turned brown
murky
I stained myself
more than I cleansed

she said she wasn’t
holding out for me

that was a long time ago