1599P

she liked the water hotter

steady hands steady hands

she’d take one of my

dusty dull black pots

fill it with water

watch it boil

while kissing my neck

then pour the steam and water

into my small cracked tub

get in

get in get in

she’d say

smiling then laughing

my balls scrunched and my face

a white Greek mask of pain

half climbing half falling

falling into all those

tiny apartment tubs we shared

-

she liked the water hotter

steady hands steady hands

steady hands

-

outside some speakeasy

some drinking town in Colorado

he tells me he wants to die

and I think there are no more poems

left to write or things to say

when he tells me

every moment he wants a new moment

some new air to breathe

he tells me he can’t take it

a grey moth

who forgot how to go home

-

I think

I thought

I think

I think for the first time

I felt I felt the enormity of death

it death it death

whatever

that black maw

that threat of silence

with hushed robes

and empty rooms

life snuffed out

a sigh a willow falling

-

steady hands steady hands

steady hands

she liked the water hotter

-

she held me

when I couldn’t hold myself

when I threatened to disappear

like a silent willow

when I

when I -

I never knew the weight

when I

when I

-

“You brought it to me.

When you take it away

make it as if I were dying

in my sleep instead of my life

amen.”