1499Z23

Jared talks about what good

pussy feels like -

in a car

south side of San Antonio.

Stefan tells me he watches

soldiers run with their

shirts off

goes home and touches himself -

a dry backyard

east side of San Antonio.

Lance kisses a young man

in an upstairs apartment -

south side of San Antonio.

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I don’t know what to say

when Chris cries

holds himself in an apartment

parking lot.

I’m a little too rough with

Jonah and he cries

after I show him a spider.

I don’t know.

I should be doing fine.

Chris says

he gets a hard on

when he goes skinny dipping

with the local boys.

And I don’t know

what masculinity is

when I’m feeling sick

and my head is showing

some strange woman kissing

my temples.

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

Maybe I should go home

but I’m out of

painkillers

and there’s something sweet

about Jacob scolding me

for pissing in public

while I’m

nursing

a bottle of cheap red.

I guess it’s Monday.