1087

I spent most of my time
wondering what it was
why the leaves looked
beautiful while wet
and wondering why it mattered

I spent some time
explaining how the best
woman I had ever met
was nothing more physically
than the gifts she gave me
and the lingering smell
on my jacket
gentle and patient

I spent a little time
watching the street
hoping I’d see the way
her hair fell around her neck
hoping there would be a red
light so I
could count the strands
and maybe pull one out of thin
air and say
this is what it was

I spent time talking
to an old friend
about how she was with me
even out of state
the way I could lie down
and feel her chest
rise and fall with little
breaths telling me
not to be so
well anything other than
anxious and misplaced

I went out the other night
and I hoped I wouldn’t
be forced to be beside
a woman not her
and maybe my glare
and soft eyes said that
I stood on the corner
of the room
inhaling drinks
and watching couples
there
that
then

remember when all our fears
were justified